Vacation Destination Review: Hawaii Overview

The R and R Review was generous enough to give me a modest stipend and let me travel all the way to Hawaii this year in our attempts to really expand our vacation coverage. It was tough leaving my villa in Italy to make the trip, but I managed. I thought to myself, maybe this trip will make us the next Frommer's? I’m pretty confident we are close…as soon as those credit markets unfreeze. Regardless, the R and R Review decided we needed a second Vacation Destination Review (see the Vacation Destination Review of Door County, Wisconsin). On this trip, I visited the islands of Oahu, Kauai and Maui. If this were one review of all three islands, I think the article would be a bit too long (it already is). So, instead I’m going to break it up over the next few days (who am I kidding, the next few weeks), but really focus on Kauai and Maui. Next month, we will have expanded coverage of Oahu and Hawai’i (the “Big Island”) when the other R makes his visit to the 50th state.

Getting There:

No way around it, you have a long flight ahead of you. There is something a little disappointing when you fly ten hours and are still in the United States. Two years ago I flew eight and a half hours and made it to London (yes, I’m trying to brag that I travel a lot). However, when you step off the plane and see the lush tropical mountains as a backdrop to Honolulu, you realize this is not your typical state. We booked our flight through Delta, and if you read this blog, you might think I’m some former lover of the CEO or scorned employee, since I often review and criticize the airline. My focus on this particular company isn’t because of lost love or a vendetta, but simply the fact they have a stronghold on the Atlanta market. So, of course, I flew Delta to Honolulu. Was it blissful? No.

I can’t criticize Delta too much, because their plane (the Atlanta to LA leg) was actually pretty nice. They had non-cloth seats (this way I can see the bugs or what’s been spilled) and had television sets with on-demand movies and satellite television at every seat. The roughly four and a half hour flight truly went by fast after watching a movie and some real time television shows. Then came disaster. Our connecting flight was a Northwest flight. Since Delta is in the middle of merging with this Minnesota airline, there were bound to be hiccups. Besides the fact that our entire itinerary was wrong (said we only had an hour and a half layover, but was actually scheduled for a four hour layover), the real pain was when we got on the plane. The seats were the dirty, rough cloth fabric and there were only small televisions every five or six rows. This is fine on a two hour flight…but a five and a half hour flight over the Pacific? I want choices. I want WiFi. I don’t want to be forced to watch the Soloist (which was horrible) and reruns of Two and a Half Men.

I thought it couldn’t get much worse, and then I was proved wrong on the return flight on a Northwest 747. They still had ashtrays at every seat and a one grainy projection screen for each set of 100 passengers. I kept seeing promos for Mad Men on the flight and thought maybe they were pushing the 1960’s theme a bit too far with this relic of a plane. So, until Delta completely overhauls the Northwest sky buses, avoid any flight bearing a Northwest mention to the islands. TRUST ME.

Things to Do:

Okay, if you can’t find something to do on Hawaii, then you need to just forward me all your vacation time. There’s cultural stops, movie sights, hiking, water sports, relaxing on one of the many luxurious beaches or if you are in Honolulu, anything that a midsized city normally provides (i.e. nightlife, museums, etc.). I was surprised with the size of Honolulu and to discover that nearly a million people live on Oahu, which is pretty much just Honolulu or suburbs of Honolulu. One of the things that can be luring about Hawaii, is it’s a tropical paradise intersecting with normal everyday American life. If you travel to Hawaii and spend your entire time at Waikiki Beach, you really wasted your money, because a flight to Miami Beach would have been a lot less. My point being, when you go to Hawaii its easy to just pick a mega resort on a crowded beach for a week and say “I went to Hawaii”. While it’s fine to do this, you are really short changing yourself of the beauty of the islands if you don’t rent a car and explore your island (or islands) that you are visiting.

Before embarking on the trip, I read other websites that said you really needed to dedicate a week to every island (and not to island hop). I went to three islands in eight days, so I ignored the stupid advice. Sure, it would be nice to dedicate a week to each island…even a month. But, we all can’t be those kids on Gossip Girl who don’t need to attend school or work and have barrels of money lying around in trust funds waiting to be spent. Plus, I don’t intend on using all my vacation days for the next seven years traveling to Hawaii. There are too many other exotic or unique locations that I want to visit before I die. So, yes you can visit more than an island in a week. Just manage your expectations and your itinerary and remember…it’s a vacation, not a checklist.

My recommendation: really decide what you want out of the trip. Beautiful resorts? Outdoor activity? Combination of both? I decided, since we have so many readers, to do a combination. So, I picked Kauai and Maui (with a 24 hour layover on Oahu). They couldn’t have been more different and I felt I got the best of both worlds of Hawaii. My only tip…do the active part of the vacation first, so you feel relaxed when you leave.

Where to Stay:

I will get into more detail when I review the individual islands. Remember, Hawaii is generally expensive. However, there are many different options. If you are taking your family or don’t want to spend a small fortune, you can find condos to rent at various price ranges. Some are much more luxurious than others. If you want that luxury resort, there are plenty of those too, but on some of the islands, the options are more limited. We stayed at a mega family resort, a combination condo/hotel resort and a luxury resort to get a taste of what Hawaii has to offer. We definitely had a favorite.

Where to Eat:

Meals out can be really expensive in Hawaii. First you have restaurants catering to the resort crowd. At these places, imagine one of the more expensive places to eat in your city and double the bill. That’s what you can expect to pay. Part of it is because food is just more expensive on an island, but Hawaii is geared to ripping of tourists and their wallets. There are some great dinning locations, but they’re often not at the resort and their bills are usually less. So, when looking for a place try to avoid eating at the ones located right in your hotel every night.

Next Hawaii Review: Kauai, the Na Pali Coast and Waimea Canyon.

ALERT: Southwest Coming to Atlanta?

News is swirling fast around all corners of Atlanta...Southwest Airlines may finally be arriving. Southwest is currently bidding on Frontier Airlines for more than $170 million. Frontier currently flies three trips daily to Atlanta from Denver and Southwest has said it will maintain all of Frontiers' current existing markets. Southwest often enters into a market on a very small scale before expanding routes. This news is the equivalent to Thomas Edison inventing the light bulb or the fall of the Berlin Wall and end of the Soviet Empire. We have calls into the Mayor's office to see if there will be a ticker-tape parade down Peachtree on a Southwest Boeing 737 jet. Stay tuned.

Vacation Destination Review: Door County, Wisconsin

Note: This is the first R and R Review Vacation Spot review, so hang in there . These reviews will be a bit longer, since we review everything about the vacation spot.

Door County, Wisconsin is considered the Cape Cod of the Midwest. I wouldn’t know because I’ve never been to Cape Cod, preferring to spend my summer time in Martha’s Vineyard or the Hamptons. Before going on this Fourth of July outing, I had never heard of Door County let alone stepped foot into Wisconsin, so the land was as foreign to me as Bangkok or Moscow. I was still excited to spend my July Fourth weekend here, although we had a five hour journey up and back to the peninsula county that separates Green Bay from Lake Michigan and it didn't disappoint.

We had heard horror stories of the drive up to Door County from Chicago, so even though we were up late enjoying spirits and sushi in the city the night before, we woke up early, grabbed a bite to eat and were on the road before 9am. Either the stories were false, or because we left early we beat the traffic. One of those things we will never know for sure, but traffic was light. Soon after we crossed the Wisconsin line, we saw the Mars Cheese Factory calling out to us to make a pit stop to grab some much needed supplies for the weekend. We had been informed that this place contained some real deal cheese…it didn’t disappoint. Grabbing about 6lbs of cheese (enough to really block your bowels for a week or so), the “World’s Best Wine” (claim was unsubstantiated) and a few six packs of Wisconsin beer (some Spotted Cow, try it out if you ever get the chance), we were again off to the promised lands.

Wisconsin is littered with picturesque farms containing those Rockwellian red barns and black and white cows. A real eyesore if you like dirty cities. I couldn’t have conjured up a better nostalgic image in my own mind. Door County itself captures much of the peninsula, but the truly special parts of the county are on the northwestern half past Sturgeon Bay. Throughout our trip we spent time in Sturgeon Bay, Egg Harbor, Fish Creek, Sister Bay and drove through the small community of Ephraim. We also drove up along the east coast of the peninsula, but the west had more to do and was a bit more charming. The town of Fish Creek, which is where we stayed, was by far my favorite community in Door County. It appeared larger than Egg Harbor and Ephraim, yet had a lot more charm than Sister Bay (a tourist trap) and Sturgeon Bay (a glorified shipyard). The weather couldn’t have been more perfect for the trip, with highs in the upper 70s and lows in the very cool for-someone-who-lives-in-Atlanta-during-the-summer 50s. I can see why people only come here in the summers, however, as I can’t imagine the brutal winters.

Things To Do:

We went during the Fourth of July weekend, and I recommend everyone to take part of this event in Door County at least once in your life. You cannot get a better sense of small town American than you do in Door County, Wisconsin on the Fourth of July. If you do come on the Fourth, make sure you go to Egg Harbor to watch the fireworks on July 3rd (or whenever they plan it in future years) and grab a seat early on the hill. You can watch the sun set over the small harbor and Green Bay (the body of water, not the town), while drinking beer and wine. I know the people there are eagerly awaiting my return so I can serenade them again with all the American songs we learned in elementary school. So I had a few beers to drink, layoff. The next night, go watch the fireworks in Fish Creek. These fireworks are longer and more spectacular and you get a small lighted boat parade before they shoot off. Make sure to spend some time, even if it’s just a morning, exploring Peninsula State Park, near Fish Creek, which had great biking and running trails. We came across various types of birds, a snake and even a lone deer on our five mile jog (there was some limited walking). Rent a boat for an afternoon to explore some of the Door County coastline. You can see a lot by car, but much of the beauty you can’t experience unless you are on the water. I also recommend loading up on a lot of beer and playing “I’m On A Boat” over and over again. We rented our beast of a boat (pontoon) in Sturgeon Bay, which gives you some nice lighthouse viewing, but I recommend renting further up along the peninsula if you can, to get further away from the industrial surroundings. Also, only rent a pontoon boat if the lake/bay is calm. We hit a rather large swell from I swear a cruise ship (it had to be at least 25 feet long, that’s big right?) leaving Sturgeon Bay and while I was able to rescue her among the screams and cries for help…an I-pod fell victim to the angry sea that day. While I didn’t care for the food itself, you probably need to experience a Fish Boil. It is truly a tacky tourist thing to do, and honestly I will never eat at one again since the food is marginal at best…but if you go to Door County and don’t “experience” one, you could be seen as a real phony. Additionally, there are plenty of places in Door County to rent bikes, shops to browse and stores that sell fudge and ice cream and plenty of farms to take oodles of pictures.

Where To Stay:

Definitely Stay in Ephraim or Fish Creek, because of their quaintness and prime location between Egg Harbor and Sister Bay. I recommend Fish Creek because it has more restaurants, shops and is not a dry town. There are even some nice places overlooking the harbor. Unfortunately, Ephraim is as dry as the Mojave, but one of the most charming towns, as it sits right on the water. Of course you can bring your own alcohol in…just can’t enjoy a nice bottle of vino at dinner. There are plenty of inns, hotels, timeshares, and bed and breakfasts to choose from in any of the towns. We stayed in the Hilltop Inn, which gets a rating of 3 Sporks, but there was nothing charming about the place…just a comfortable place in a great location at a great price.

Where To Eat:

Gibraltar Grill in Fish Creek was by far my favorite eating spot and not necessarily because of the food (although what we had was good), but for the location and feel of the joint. Grab a spot next to the outdoor fireplace on a cool summer’s night (which we did) and listen to some local musicians play. This is a great place to spend an entire evening, starting with a relaxed dinner (don’t expect fine dining) and finishing it off with a couple (a few, who am I kidding) glasses of wine. Note that prices aren’t super cheap, but there aren’t many places in Door County with cheap prices. Pelletier’s Restaurant in Fish Creek had a decent Fish Boil, as good as a fish boil can be, I guess. Make sure to book reservations in advance and get there on time to see the boiling over. Wild Tomato in Fish Creek was another favorite and is a great lunch spot consisting of fresh burgers, salads and pizzas. Plenty of outdoor seating and there is more parking in the back. The Summer Kitchen between Ephraim and Sister Bay (but considered Ephraim), had delicious sandwiches and salads, which included a cup from the soup bar, making it another great lunch spot. The outdoor seating is better than the inside. Finally, you have to see the goats on top of the roof (they are for real, yo) for breakfast at Al Johnson’s in Sister Bay. Enjoy authentic Swedish pancakes and other Swedish food. Be prepared, though, as this place is a tourist trap and has long waits. While it is an experience, the food isn’t all that spectacular. Also, leave Brian Fellow at home, as he will not like the goats staring at him from the roof.

All in all the Door County experience was great. It is an awesome place to have a romantic weekend or a great family getaway. This trip is not recommended for singles, as you will have very few party locations.

Door County Wisconsin gets a Spork Rating of:

The Redcoats are Coming!!!

No, I’m not Paul Revere and our crooked teeth friends across the Atlantic are posing us no threat. I did however learn that Delta has re-implemented their “Red Coats” customer service agents and will be expanding their reach throughout the summer. Who are these Red Coat donned people? They are the ones who are supposed to be “in the know” and able to fix whatever problem you have with the Delta. They must be God. Everyone knows the airlines have so many problems with their customer service, business model, etc, that I doubt any mortal will be able to fix their problems, red coats or not.

While this is a gesture that shouldn’t go unnoticed (or the fact the Delta often ranks very low on customer surveys), but can it really fix the problem? While I’m a relatively young guy, I do remember the days when flying was an experience. I remember one of the first flights I took as a child…putting on my dress shirt, clip on tie, dress pants and my penny loafers…pennies and all. Back then, you dressed up to get on a plane. People could say goodbye and hello to you at the gate. People who flew looked at it like a luxury…because it was more of a luxury. You were pampered on those flights. You even got meals (I can’t remember if they tasted like rubber or not, but we got them).

Now the whole flying experience is full of pain, stress and there is hardly any pleasure except landing safely. From the TSA security lines, to the overbooking of too few flights, flying anywhere makes you think twice. On top of it all, we are getting charged for every aspect of the flight: pillows, soda, snack, luggage…soon bathrooms! We have to use our own computers, electricity and internet service to book the flight. If we call for help…tack on $35 dollars to the ticket. The carriers say they do it so they can survive, plus we are getting “used” to such items. Right now I can only blame us…the customer. We scour the internet for hours upon hours, days upon days to find the cheapest ticket. The airlines figured out…you want a cheap ticket…okay, but nothing else is included. I’m waiting for the day when I get charged extra to sit down, rather than stand and to have a veteran pilot, rather than a newbie.

If Delta or any of the other airlines actually want to help passengers and have them enjoy flying again, they are going to have to spend a little money. They need to really make the flying experience an experience again. While people like a good deal, I think most customers also will pay a little more for a good product. I don’t fly Spirit anymore because it was no better than flying on a greyhound bus. How come a company like Apple can sell so many computers that are MORE expensive than a PC? Because it works a hell of a lot better! If an airline decided to improve the entire experience, I guarantee you that customers would be willing to pay an extra 20 bucks a ticket, or even put up with the baggage fees. Instead of spending all that money on Red Coats, here are some of my dream suggestions:

1. More kiosks. Since most customer service agents are jerks anyways, how about have more electronic kiosks around to help passengers rebook cancelled flights (with NO fees) and give out food and hotel vouchers, etc. If an airline knows a flight has been canceled and does this stuff anyways, why make people wait in a line 100 people deep? Technology is so much more effective at figuring out the next best flight.

2. Nicer Agents. Of course, agents will still be needed because technology isn’t without flaws. Make sure the agents you have employed are NICE. Bad attitude is a one way ticket to the unemployment line.

3. Televisions at every seat. Yes, this is pricey, but I would pay 5 bucks (more on longer flights) each flight to have my own tv with actual television and on-demand shows.

4. Give people a nice warm towel. This may seem a bit over the top or silly, but can you imagine after getting into your seat, your flight attendant comes by with a nice hot hand towel. RELAXING.

5. Keep giving free non-alcoholic drinks, charge more for pricier food options that people will actually want to eat. Keep price points reasonable.

6. Figure out a way to make boarding more pleasant. Right now people want to rush on the plane not to get their already assigned seat…but to get carry on bag space. Go back to having the first bag checked free…and figure out how not to lose so many bags to the bag eating monster the lives under every airport.

While a nice gesture, Delta’s Red Coats doesn’t go anywhere close to solving the problem of customer service. The idea gets a Spork Rating of:

Urgent TSA Alert: New Plan To Make Traveling Worse

So, the TSA has announced new screening procedures for travelers. Like it's not hard enough to remember the hoops we must jump through to get on a plane. One jerk had to put some explosives in his shoe and now the rest of us have to suffer for eternity. TSA security checkpoints are worse than trying to get a bite to eat from the Soup Nazi.

Well, along with remembering to basically strip down, take out all our money, phones, and computers from our pockets and bags and having all our liquids separated in appropriate sized containers (don't you love walking on those dirty floors barefoot?), we must now learn how to properly place our belongings on the x-ray machine belt. That's right folks, we have to place our shoes directly on the belt now. It is unacceptable to place them in those very convenient bins that the TSA try to snatch from you immediately after it's gone through the screening, even though you are standing there naked trying desperately to grab your belongings. I expect plenty of screaming children, suicidal parents and overly stressed business travelers enjoying this little treat.

The last time I was at the Miami International Airport going through the screening, I was trying to grab my liquids, backpack, shoes, phone, belt, change and my laptop (that had to be in its own bin) when the government trained TSA x-ray belt operator decided to put that thing in HIGH gear and everyone's stuff began plowing into my things. Plastic was crunching. Shoes went flying. My laptop slipped off the belt and thank god I caught it. If you read my post yesterday, you know I was in code blue. What was TSA's response? Move faster. Well, if I wasn't standing there naked clutching all my worldly possessions...I would consider that bit of advice.

So, if any of you folks are traveling this Memorial Day weekend by plane...expect even longer lines as the TSA minions implement their new rules for our safety.

The Amazing Race: Changing Terminals at LAX

My wife has been telling me for the past few weeks that we should apply to be on the next Amazing Race. I’m not sure if you have ever watched the show, but people who have some sort of relationship team up in pairs and go across the world in this race to win one million dollars. Along the way, the players on each team must work together on tasks to gain the next clue and to see where they are going. If you are the last team to get to the checkpoint for the clue, you are sent packing.

When my wife told me she wanted us to apply to be on the show, I figured she must be angling for a divorce. I asked her if she was unhappy with our marriage, or if I did something wrong to upset her. She said no, just that she thought it would be “good” for us and it would be “fun”. Now, I suffer from a disorder that has been labeled by my doctor, who is renowned for repairing horizontal butt crack birth defects on children, as “Travel Daze”. Basically on travel days, I come down with a condition that overtakes my body and brain, where I become irrational, irritable, feverish, stressed, flushed and paranoid that all my travel related activities are going to go terribly wrong. Packing a car? Pure stress. Overstuffed suitcases, two dogs (one 100 lbs), dog supplies, people supplies and my wife’s general lack of interest in planning for a trip. Flying on a plane? Do we take mass transportation, fight traffic, do we park at the airport lot or a satellite lot, what time do we leave, how much time in advance do we need to get there, did we check in, are all our liquids in appropriate bags, did I accidentally forget my gun stuffed in the back of my belt loop? Pure irritation and paranoia.

Basically, I told my wife, no way in hell are we ever going on The Amazing Race, because there are only three likely outcomes: 1. We will divorce, 2. I will die of a heart attack, or 3. America will think I’m the biggest jackass and send me death threats for outrageous meltdowns. Actually all three are probable.

So imagine my surprise when my wife and Delta must have colluded to change our connection time, for a secret trip we are taking that must connect at the Los Angeles International Airport, from 3 hours to 45 minutes. Do you know how hard it is to change planes located at different terminals at LAX? I didn’t, because I’ve never had a connecting flight there, but in order to switch terminals, you must exit security and the entire terminal building, take a bus or walk outside to the other terminal, and then go through security all over again. Websites recommend three hours to have plenty of time for this daunting task, especially if you are traveling with large suitcases, kids, are older or eat too much. We had 45 minutes. We are young, generally in good shape, no kids and we pack lighter than most…but 45 minutes? I dropped a few F bombs and started to break out in a cold sweat and hives as I scoured my itinerary and the websites regarding LAX’s terminals. I figured it was all going to be filmed for The Amazing Race or some hidden camera show. Could I change planes in 45 minutes without killing anyone or being tazed by the police? Impossible.

Lucky for me, my wife put me on oxygen, before I passed out and I called Delta to switch my connection times. They were very nice, fixed the problem (actually before I even said it, they knew the problem quickly fixed it) and we now have a little over two hours (still one hour short of the recommended time) to change planes. I’ve decided I’m still going to time it and possibly react as if we only had 45 minutes, just to see if we can do it. I’ll tell my wife it’s a test run to see if we could be on The Amazing Race. I know she will go for it. But, for the terminal design, I give LAX a Spork Rating of:

Come on a chimp could have designed a better airport. They still get One Spork, because planes can successfully land and take off from there. As for Delta handling the situation (but still remembering that they put me there in the first place) I give them a Spork Rating of:

Los Angeles International Airport

Built in 1929

Opened in 1930

Sixth busiest airport in the world

Continental Airlines and the George Bush Intercontinental Airport

If someone were to ask me to name the first three images that come to mind when I hear the word “torture,” my responses would undoubtedly be George Bush, airports, and cotton balls. Last week, I was able to combine two of them into one frightening experience. En route to a weeks stay at the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs, my Continental Airlines flight to and from COS was broken up by a layover in Houston, TX at the George Bush Intercontinental Airport. I had never landed at this airport before and can’t remember the last time I flew Continental, so it had never occurred to me that Houston was the Continental hub.

When I flew into Houston last Monday, my arrival and departure gates were both in Terminal B, so my experience that day was relatively painless. As I deboarded the plane, I was thrust into a narrow hallway which connected my gate to the central pod of Terminal B. The hallway was eerily similar in size and construction to a single-wide trailer and went on for what seemed like miles. While Terminal B had a decent selection of eateries, its appearance can only be described as dirty. I picked up a copy of the Wall Street Journal and sat down at the bar of Chili’s Too while waiting for my connecting flight to begin boarding. All in all, it was a seamless transition.

The same can not be said for my Houston connection four days later. As before, my plane arrived at Terminal B, but this time my connecting flight was departing out of Terminal A. Having never been to this airport, I had no idea that Terminal A was in a completely different building. As I followed the signs pointing towards A, I navigated my way through a maze of single-wide trailers and down an escalator which dead ended into a sliding glass door leading out to the tarmac. Unsure of what to do next, I hesitantly approached the doors when all of a sudden I was grabbed by an airport employee and forced into a line off to the side. A hessian sack was then placed over my head and I was lead through the doors and onto a tram of some sort as we proceeded to drive for what seemed like a solid 5 to 7 minutes (although I may have been force-fed a sedative and blacked out). Once the tram stopped, I was pulled off the vehicle and the sack was removed from my head as I continued down another single-wide hallway. Luckily, my gate was just inside. I’m curious to know what exactly it was that the Houston Airport did not want me to see.

While the airport itself did not meet the standards that my life of privilege has caused me to grow accustomed to, the actual flights themselves were not awful. The flight attendants were very friendly, although one of them snickered at me when I asked her to fetch me some hot tea and point me towards my room. Much to my amazement, the flight to Colorado Springs included a complimentary ham sandwich, Fritos, and a small Kit Kat bar. This sort of thing is unheard for passengers sitting in coach, but I was a little shocked that they would offer ham in the midst of the Swine Flu epidemic. I saved one slice of the ham in case I needed to fend off any terrorists that may have been aboard my flight. A free meal nowadays is truly an expected joy, but it was bastardized by the fact that I had to pay $15 dollars each way to check a single piece of luggage.

It was recently announced that Continental Airlines will be leaving the SkyTeam Alliance sometime this fall. While the possibility of a free meal will be missed, at least I will be able to avoid George Bush Intercontinental Airport. This travel experience was a mixed bag and gets a Spork rating of…

The Car Rental Pirates

When I was in college, I went on a fraternity “business” trip with a couple of fraternity brothers and we needed to rent a car. We knew we were going to get some hefty fees because none of us were 25 years old yet. I don’t blame them for not really wanting to rent to us. But, once we stepped up to the rental counter and we selected the cheapest car on the lot, they began talking insurance. Insurance? What 21 year old knows a lick about car insurance, let alone car RENTAL insurance? The agent started talking fast, then double talk, then Korean I think. Next thing I knew, we just rented the cheapest car produced in North America for about $95/day. Yes, we fell for it and bought the insurance. While we were supposed to have a safe feeling after purchasing all that coverage, we instead felt like a freshman girl with her senior date on prom night…totally taken advantage of.

This week when I was preparing for a trip where I need to rent a car, this horrific memory came rushing into my head. Scanning the prices of the rental cars on the internet, I selected the car class I wanted and nervously clicked to the next page…the page of horrors. Looking at all the extras, insurance, waivers, fees, surcharges, I was almost surprised some of the options weren’t: steering wheel, $9/day; tires, $4/day; doors, $7/day; $3/day surcharge for the privilege of renting the car (oh wait that one was on there). To give you an idea of what I was staring at, here were some of the options I encountered:

Greenhouse Gas Emissions, $1.25/Rental
Collision Damage Waiver, $22.99/day
National Protection Plus, $34.99
Carefree personal protection, $7.99
Supplemental Liability Insurance, $10.99
Customer Facility Charge (mandatory fee), $1.00/day
Concession Recovery Fee 8.11%
Rental Motor Vehicle Surcharge, $3/day
Vehicle Registration Fee/weight tax, $1.05

The extra add on that won the “absolutely outrageous award” was the National Protection Plus coverage at $34.99/day. Really? Insurance coverage for a car at 34.99/day? What the car rental companies don’t want you to do is grow a brain and actually calculate how much this insurance coverage would cost you over the year’s time, exactly how you pay for your own personal car insurance. Sit back and ponder what you pay for insurance for your own car for the entire year. Is it $12,771? Yeah, I didn’t think so, but that’s the cost of the car rental agency’s insurance premium calculated over the entire year. At that insurance rate, you could just buy a new car ever year and crash it at the end of 365 days.

So, did I really need rental insurance for the car? No. But, it is different for everyone, depending on your own coverage for your vehicle and the credit card you use to rent the car. Many personal car insurance plans will cover you in case of an accident with a rental and many credit cards will also cover car rental problems. Basically, if you take ten minutes to read your personal policy or call your agent, you will know whether you need to pay off these car rental pirates or call in the snipers.

In the end, I rented my car without paying for any these extras, except for the fees and surcharges they forced me to take at gunpoint. What about the global warming fee you may ask? No way was I paying for that thing. Why would I trust the car rental agency with my donation to save the world when they tried to sell me an insurance policy that cost 12,771/year?

To sum it up, car rental companies and all their extras get a Spork Rating of:





Buyer Beware!

Delta Europe Deals

So I guess I’m going to become the Delta blogger. I got an email earlier this week telling me to take advantage of discounts on low cost air fares to Europe. I was expecting maybe $250 each way. Nope, it was $409 each way to Barcelona from Atlanta. Barcelona was the only “discounted” fare from Atlanta no less. With taxes, that means this ticket would be around $1,000 round trip. This sure isn’t cheap to me. Not like I was sitting on the fence between flying to New York or Barcelona and this “deal” is going to push me toward Barcelona. My point to Delta is…don’t waste my time on sale e-mails unless there's really a sale. Maybe give me a better selection, since I live in a city that is the major hub of Delta. Also, tell me the round trip price. I have no plans on moving to Spain right now. For keeping me up to date, but on useless information I give this latest attempt by Delta a Spork Rating of:

No More Paper Boarding Passes from Delta?

So, it was announced today that Delta is moving towards paperless boarding passes. What does this mean? Well according to my sources (an email from Delta which probably millions of you got as well), we can use our Web-enabled mobile devices (cell phones) as a paperless boarding pass. All the TSA agent will have to do is check your ID and scan the “electronic pass”. I’m guessing that means scanning your phone, as demonstrated above. Besides the guaranteed hiccups that TSA will present dealing with this 21st Century technology (expect full body searches), this is very promising. I don’t know how often I’m digging through a bag or backpack at the last second, with people screaming at me, trying to find my paper boarding pass. It’s one less thing I have to fumble with and lose and one less thing causing me nose bleeds.

Cities already with this grand technology from Delta are Atlanta, Minneapolis, Memphis and New York (LaGuardia). Soon to come are Vegas, Orlando and Salt Lake City. For more details go to Delta.com. I give this new Delta paperless idea, without proper testing, a Spork Rating of:

In-Seat Power Outlets? Finally!!!

A few minutes ago, valued Delta customers, such as BA Roof and I, received an email bragging about their new non-stop service to Sydney from LAX. From the email...

"Make the trip in a spacious Boeing 777-200LR, which offers our BusinessElite® service with its state-of-the-art in-flight entertainment system; a five-course menu by celebrity chef Michelle Bernstein; a reinvented wine program; full-size pillows and duvets; and in-seat power outlets. You'll arrive rested, refreshed and ready to soak up all things Aussie."

This is really great because the only reason that I have not booked a flight to Australia is because I did not feel like I would be comfortable during the super long, half way around the globe flight. I've been scared of the tiny seats, the chances of getting stuck in between a morbidly obese person and a crying baby, those tiny pillows, and no way to charge my PSP mid-flight. For years I have said that if only Delta had in-seat power outlets I'd be en route to Sydney in a cocaine heartbeat! And now they do! That extra $2,000 I had been saving for a trip to Oz is finally getting transferred out of my ING account. Look out Claire Littleton, I'm coming for you.