Banquet-Fed Pig of the Month

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

Lawyer.
Lobbyist.
Governor.
President???

Hide the cupcakes and close the buffets, Washington DC. Chris Christie might be rolling through town.

Georgia's new state bird: The Chicken? YES!

So, some restaurateur wants to make Georgia's state bird the chicken, instead of the brown thrasher. I rolled around and laughed at first. But, when I read more about it, he has some very compelling arguments, mostly how much money slaughtering chickens in the State of Georgia brings to Georgia citizens. I wasn't really sold on it though, until I saw the propaganda video on his website. The dirty secrets that I found out about the brown thrasher...like its migratory, rather than being secured in some small cage in Georgia, before being slaughtered. Then, the fact it's LAZY (since when did it put food on our tables)... made me really resent the brown thrasher. Upon more research, I discovered that this stupid bird was made the "State Bird" because of the radical Garden Club of Georgia in the 1970s. The words "garden" and "club" just have deceit and extremists written all over it.

If you are so pro Georgia, why would you ever fly to another state like the brown thrasher? You don't see Georgia chickens escaping their little cages and running to South Carolina, do you? No, we'd kill 'em if they did that. Plus, chickens come in so many different shapes and sizes, like fried, grilled and baked....not like the stupid lazy brown thrasher that spends his days fluttering around in the sky. Put me down as saying...the Chicken should be the new bird for Georgia.

Remember Chappaquiddick

Never forget Chappaquiddick. Never forget Mary Jo Kopechne.

Senator Edward Moore "Ted" Kennedy
(February 22, 1932 – August 25, 2009)

Sizzle Chest

Photographs were publised yesterday of Russian Prime Minister Vladimir "Sizzle Chest" Putin on vacation in the Siberian region of Tuva. As noted by TimesOnline, the photos "will inevitably trigger mass swooning by women all over Russia — as well as unfavourable comparisons of their husbands to Mr Putin’s manly physique. They will also confirm the Russian Prime Minister’s status as a gay icon."

Enjoy.

Vladimir Putin gets 4 Sporks for unintentional comedy. It would have been a 5 Spork effort if we'd seen some skin below the belt. Sigh. Check out the entire gallery here.

Quote of the Day

"If I'm corrupt, it's because I take care of my district."

-The biggest, fattest, most plump banquet-fed piggie himself... John Murtha.

Pig of the Month

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, believes that she has an entire fleet of private military aircraft at her disposal. The taxpayers foot the bill so that Madame Speaker, along with her family and friends, can be shuttled around the country whenever she feels like it. And when the Air Force planes that Ms. Pelosi wants are not available, she gets angry.

According to a report from Judicial Watch, Nancy Pelosi has issued unprecedented demands for high-end military aircraft and wasted taxpayer resources with her last minute cancellations. Based on e-mails and other documents obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, it is apparent that Pelosi has abused the system in place to accommodate congressional leaders and treated the Air Force as her "personal airline."

Madame Speaker's office has refuted these claims by pointing to the fact that after 9/11, rules were changed that allowed the Speaker of the House to travel to his or her congressional district via military aircraft whenever possible for security reasons. Her office claims that she uses the same types of aircraft that were used by her predecessor, and quintessential banquet-fed pig, Dennis Hastert. Granted, Hastert was allowed access to a 12-seat commuter jet, while Pelosi has repeatedly requested a 42-seat Air Force carrier to take her and her staff back and forth between San Francisco, CA and Washington, DC. It should also be noted that former Speaker Newt Gingrich flew commercial while in office. Just saying.

Some of the e-mails recovered by Judicial Watch show repeated attempts by Pelosi aides to request aircraft, sometimes aggressively, and by Department of Defense officials to accommodate them.

"I think that's above and beyond what other members of Congress are doing and what is expected of our elected officials," said Jenny Small, a researcher with the group.

In one e-mail, Pelosi aide Kay King complained to the military that they had not made available any aircraft the House speaker wanted for Memorial Day recess. "It is my understanding there are NO G5s available for the House during the Memorial Day recess. This is totally unacceptable ... The Speaker will want to know where the planes are," King wrote.

In another, when told a certain type of aircraft would not be available, King wrote: "This is not good news, and we will have some very disappointed folks, as well as a very upset Speaker.

Nancy Pelosi and House democrats have lead the charge against the use of private jets by the evil, nasty, blood-sucking corporate CEOs, all the while treating the Air Force as their personal airline. Pelosi uses Air Force planes for far more than travel to and from her congressional district, and is finally being called out for it. Nancy, you are a pig and a hypocrite and you get ZERO Sporks. Good day to you, Madame Speaker.

Bristol and Levi Are No More?

Today I am in a deep depression because Lost did NOT air a new episode last night. This wasn’t a shock, since they informed us last week that they were cutting off our drug this week. So, now I have Lost withdraws this morning and almost didn’t get out of bed. So imagine how I felt when I learned turning on my computer hoping for some happy news that the fairytale marriage between Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston was off? What the heck? No caribou carriage-ride down main street Wasilla? No Canadian geese being released after the “I do”? No shooting grizzlies from a helicopter on the honeymoon?

Well, after I got over my complete shock that something like this could happen in my world, I immediately felt horrible for the conservative base that supported the Palins through the elections. What are they going to hang their hat on now? First, their star, Sarah Palin, took a huge blow after the 2008 elections. During that time they had to look the other way when they found out Bristol was having a child OUT of wedlock AND underage. Thank goodness at very least she would be getting married to the father. Ahhhh, yeah, about that. Now, Levi won’t even make an “honest” woman out of her? Besides my morning being ruined, I now imagine every hard line conservative wandering around their house aimlessly this morning in tears asking “Why, God, why ?!?!” while holding a picture from US Weekly magazine of Bristol. Oh well, at least Lost is coming back on next week. But Bristol and Levi's separation gets a thanks for ruining my morning Spork Rating of:

Oregon’s 1900% Beer Tax Increase

With state governments scurrying around searching to find extra money like field mice scavenging for cheese, they are coming up with some unusual and overzealous scenarios. This week an Oregon legislator announced an idea to raise beer taxes. When governments want more of your money, they always go straight to the easiest tax to hike: the Sin Tax. Too bad I enjoy sinning and always seem to get stuck with the tab.

Now your local thief Oregon legislator may tell you that this tax will raise a pint of beer at most by 15 cents and that the current tax is only one measly cent. Who can’t afford 15 cents? And, I mean, come on…the only thing worst than something NOT being taxed, is something being taxed too low, right? But critics are fast to point out that the tax could amount to a $1.50 increase PER PINT. How can this be??? Well the increase per barrel of beer would be around $50, and some (in the beer lobby, so maybe their numbers are a tad high) say that once everyone on the supply chain takes their cut, the cost increase from the tax will increase the cost of the finished product by a lot. This means the famous microbreweries in Oregon could be out of business with the new tax.

So what is the big deal with increasing the taxes? Who cares about a bunch of drunk hippies? Charging them an extra $1.50 will get more taxes for our government officials to waste. Right? I know many of you slept through economics class, but the higher something costs (or in this case a tax), the less people will spend, meaning less tax revenue for government. Since fewer products are being bought, the beer companies and microbreweries have less revenue, as well, and profits drop and the breweries are forced to lay off people. More become unemployed creating a bigger strain on tax resources of the state and now since the state is getting less tax revenue, because of this simple increase in beer taxes, they have to cut more programs and/or increase taxes somewhere else. See the vicious cycle? Are you dizzy too? Let me put down my beer.

Now, maybe Oregon’s beer tax is a little low right now. It hasn't been raised in three decades. Or, maybe the government is too big and there should be fewer taxes. However, when your state has an industry built around brewing beer, maybe you need to keep the taxes low on that industry so people keep their jobs. One thing is for sure, a potential increase of this magnitude is too much for any time period, but especially at a time of such economic uncertainty. I mean, how are people going to drown their sorrows when they get laid off if beer is prohibitively expensive? This tax increase gets a Spork Rating of:

NO SPORKS!!

Not even for effort.