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So, some restaurateur wants to make Georgia's state bird the chicken, instead of the brown thrasher. I rolled around and laughed at first. But, when I read more about it, he has some very compelling arguments, mostly how much money slaughtering chickens in the State of Georgia brings to Georgia citizens. I wasn't really sold on it though, until I saw the propaganda video on his website. The dirty secrets that I found out about the brown thrasher...like its migratory, rather than being secured in some small cage in Georgia, before being slaughtered. Then, the fact it's LAZY (since when did it put food on our tables)... made me really resent the brown thrasher. Upon more research, I discovered that this stupid bird was made the "State Bird" because of the radical Garden Club of Georgia in the 1970s. The words "garden" and "club" just have deceit and extremists written all over it.
If you are so pro Georgia, why would you ever fly to another state like the brown thrasher? You don't see Georgia chickens escaping their little cages and running to South Carolina, do you? No, we'd kill 'em if they did that. Plus, chickens come in so many different shapes and sizes, like fried, grilled and baked....not like the stupid lazy brown thrasher that spends his days fluttering around in the sky. Put me down as saying...the Chicken should be the new bird for Georgia.
So US airport rankings for customer satisfaction came out from J.D. Power. The airports were scored on a 1,000 point scale. Those of you that live in Atlanta or travel through Hartsfield-Jackson Airport might be interested more in the score, than where they ended up on the list. What was it's magical number? 666. I'm thinking about flying out of Birmingham from now on. Of course, what could be more alarming is the highest score of any airport is 777. If we lop off a digit and place this on a 100 point scale, that's a 77....a C in most grade schools. I guess that sums up air travel.
So, after some research, I came to the bone chilling conclusion today that the name "Brian" is dying a very quick death. Not since the name "Linda" has there been such a fall from grace. Brian enjoyed some great success in the 1960s-80s, peaking at # 8 in the 1970s. But, in the 2000s, the name only mustered a # 58 rating. The name hasn't been this low on the list since the 1940s, when it didn't even break the top 100 list. I'm thinking about starting a grass roots effort to revive the name. After all, if Abigail can come back from its precipitous decline in the late 1800s to # 6 in the 2000s, I think Brian can move back into the top 20.
Well, it's that time of year again. Charlie Weis is on the hot seat at Notre Dame and Urban Meyer is again the coach in waiting. What makes this year different? Weis is as done as that turkey in Christmas Vacation. So, what does that mean for Florida fans? Unfortunately, a very likely chance Urban is gone. This is no Billy to Kentucky scenario. Urban is Notre Dame football. He wanted to go there after Utah, but his wife said no. It is his dream job, as he has announced to the world. Florida fans, set yourself up for major disappointment.
So, with this devastating news and after making a few calls to some agents, ADs, sports writers and people generally in the "know", I've come up with a short list of Florida's likely replacements. Here is the order in which Jeremy Foley, Florida's AD, should make the call:
1. Ron Zook: An obvious choice. Been a head coach in the SEC and Big 10. Need I really say more? He was even Florida's head coach once and a stellar recruiter. The only thorn in his side? Coaching. But, he has obviously remedied that with Illinois. They did go to the Rose Bowl (a few years ago) by the way.
2. Lane Kiffin: Only 34 and already been an NFL and SEC coach. I'm also impressed with the coaches' first year stats. He sits at 5-5, when everyone expected him to be like...5-5. He has a big mouth, like the Ol' Ball Coach, and Florida fans love that kind of stuff. Additionally, he keeps a well disciplined team without one arrest all yea....oops, strike that.
3. Charlie Weis: I hear he may be available to take the job. It's just a hunch. Who can deny this offensive genius if some school is foolish enough to let him go? Just one problem...Defense...and weight.
4. Ted Roof: He has my last name, a major plus. He once was head coach at Duke, just like the Steve Spurrier, the Heisman and National Championship winner. Can someone say...similarities?? Also, he kind of looks like a heftier Steve Martin. There are just too many things saying this is so right. I hope Auburn can part ways.
5. Doug Peters: Former Lake Mary High School head coach and current athletic director. So innovative, he found a way out of a 0-10 record...cancellation of a game due to inclement weather. This is the kind of innovative leader we need at Florida. First the Fun N Gun, then the spread and now...GOD. Only problem is, why would he leave such a successful high school program for Florida?
Don't worry Gator fans...if Urban leaves, it's obvious we will be in good hands.
